Thursday, December 21, 2006

Cooped up in the house so thought I'd post


One of my chickens always manages to fly the coop. I build the fence ever higher, but she still flaps her way over it. This is Camilla I'm talking about, of course--the impetuous one. In case it isn't obvious, by the way, I named her after Gonzo's girlfriend.

Her partner-in-laying (but not in a sexual way) is Hennessy. She's always getting shouted out by rappers and it's so sweet! But I do wonder, sometimes...why are they so into her? What goes on in that coop at night?

Anyway, Hennessy is very well-behaved in daylight. But Camilla always flies the coop. This might not sound like much of a problem since chickens really do always come home to roost. She doesn't wander off. But she does shit all over the patio and dig up my plants.

So I was thinking maybe I should clip her wings.

Are you crying? Doesn't that sound terrible? Clip her wings, oh god: I couldn't handle the metaphoric implications.

Then I recalled that I am already fencing her in. And keeping her cooped up.

Maybe whenever you take up something humans have been doing for a really long time you bump into the origins of metaphors. It's kinda awkward because you're like, oh, hi, you're literal.

I noticed it when I started gardening, sowing seeds and reaping harvests, making fertile ground and the like. And when Brian started working down at the docks (okay, yes, he does payroll), I found out that some people literally put down anchor and set sail. Go overboard and ship out.

I know. It's pretty mortifying that I never thought about all that before. But the chickens don't think I'm stupid. Course they're freakin bird brains.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Fabulous Life of...



My proud front yard circa May 2006. I shan't pretend it looks like this now.

At middle left, my hens, back in their fleeting chickhood.

HENNESSEY (right): "Jeepers, looks like a great big world out there. S'pose we're ready for it?"

CAMILLA (left) drops an impetuous shit: "Is it ready for us?"

Hard to believe those little cotton balls are now feeding me scrambled eggs. Chicks having chicks. (Shaking head.)


At bottom left, Paulie Walnuts, aka Paulo, aka Mr. Wognuts, aka Plush Toy, aka Wally Almonds. A little light in his paw-pads. Currently recuperating from debt-defying surgery, consoling himself at tomcatsluts.com.

At bottom right, Brian, co-conspirator. Also goes by the name of DJ Crimson.

Oh, and that's me at the top, but don't try to discern anything about me from this picture, because it's a lie. My hair isn't actually straight; I had just come from my biennial haircut. And I don't mean twice a year.

Below is me again, but still a dishonest representation, since I haven't actually done hard time.



H..hi