The journey from Log Cabin Republican kitty to Superjew Drag Queen kitty has been a long--but, I think, richly edifying--one.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Portrait: A Prayerful Pecans
The journey from Log Cabin Republican kitty to Superjew Drag Queen kitty has been a long--but, I think, richly edifying--one.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Important Notice
The kitty known to many of you as Paulie Walnuts (aliases P. Kitty, Wally Almonds, Plush Toy, Paulo, Sir Walnuts) will no longer be known as such. He insists that, as of today, he only be referred to by his drag name, Molly Pecans. The name, he says, is an homage to Yiddish film star Molly Picon. (We recently watched "Yidl Mitn Fidl"--that's "Yiddle With The Fiddle" to you goyishkeit types--and it really affected him.)
I want to reiterate, for your safety, that this name change is effective immediately. Persons referring to him by former monikers risk being bitten or scratched. Ms. Pecans also requests that visitors not look him directly in the eye. As usual, any cameras will be confiscated.
Monday, February 12, 2007
I Might Hate The Internet
I was just thinking, I might hate the internet. Sure, it has its good points, but there's no need to enumerate them here, as they are so amply celebrated every elsewhere. Especially here--on the Internet.
I just find all the vaunted "connectivity" a little much. Knowing that I can communicate instantaneously with millions the world over creeps me out and makes me feel like a failure. Take this post, for example. Millions could read it! Three will.
In addition to being one of the loneliest, the Internet is one of the meanest places imaginable. Human interaction without human contact tends to be very mean, I suppose. The Internet is probably the worst place to encounter another person--worse than on the freeway, worse than on a telemarketing call. Because in those realms you at least get a voice or a glimpse. The Internet just gives you totally disembodied words. No handwriting even.
So I might hate the Internet. I haven't totally decided.
I just find all the vaunted "connectivity" a little much. Knowing that I can communicate instantaneously with millions the world over creeps me out and makes me feel like a failure. Take this post, for example. Millions could read it! Three will.
In addition to being one of the loneliest, the Internet is one of the meanest places imaginable. Human interaction without human contact tends to be very mean, I suppose. The Internet is probably the worst place to encounter another person--worse than on the freeway, worse than on a telemarketing call. Because in those realms you at least get a voice or a glimpse. The Internet just gives you totally disembodied words. No handwriting even.
So I might hate the Internet. I haven't totally decided.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Sexiest Voices
That title was just to lure you. Really I'm here to promote Stewpot.
Just kidding!
Top 5 SEXIEST VOICES
5. SEAN PAUL
Just a Jamaican accent goes a long way. All the better if he favors incomprehensibles like, "The gal dem Schillaci Sean da Paul." Picture him saying:
Just gimme the gees an we be clubbing yow.
Gal a make we please and we be thuggin' now.
Sippin' Hennesey an we'll be bubblin' yow.
Set we mind at ease we got to take it slow.
Also see what I mean about the popularity of my poultry? Hennessey! Sippin'--that sounds obscene!
4. COREY FLINTOFF
Picture him saying: "From NPR News in Washington, I'm Corey Flintoff."
3. SACHA BARON COHEN
Oh I know he's so played out right now, but I can't resist. Hopefully needless to say, I do NOT refer to the Borat voice, but SBC's real voice as revealed to me in his Golden Globe speech. (But the Ali G voice will do, too.) Picture him saying: "I thought to myself, I better win a bloody award for this."
2. PATRICK FITZGERALD
Brooklyn-bred prosecutor of the powerful. Hot. Picture him saying, "At the end of the day what appears is that Mr. Libby's story...was not true. It was false. He was at the beginning of the chain of phone calls, the first official to disclose this information outside the government to a reporter. And then he lied about it afterwards, under oath and repeatedly." Who's your daddy?
1. SHOCK G
Don't think "Humpty Dance." Think "Freaks of the Industry." You know, the one who put the satin on your panties. Picture him saying:
Still bringin satin for them drawers/
Velvet for the mic and got a pound for the cause
I didn't do a ladies category. Any nominees from you lady-lovers? Keisha Cole?
Just kidding!
Top 5 SEXIEST VOICES
5. SEAN PAUL
Just a Jamaican accent goes a long way. All the better if he favors incomprehensibles like, "The gal dem Schillaci Sean da Paul." Picture him saying:
Just gimme the gees an we be clubbing yow.
Gal a make we please and we be thuggin' now.
Sippin' Hennesey an we'll be bubblin' yow.
Set we mind at ease we got to take it slow.
Also see what I mean about the popularity of my poultry? Hennessey! Sippin'--that sounds obscene!
4. COREY FLINTOFF
Picture him saying: "From NPR News in Washington, I'm Corey Flintoff."
3. SACHA BARON COHEN
Oh I know he's so played out right now, but I can't resist. Hopefully needless to say, I do NOT refer to the Borat voice, but SBC's real voice as revealed to me in his Golden Globe speech. (But the Ali G voice will do, too.) Picture him saying: "I thought to myself, I better win a bloody award for this."
2. PATRICK FITZGERALD
Brooklyn-bred prosecutor of the powerful. Hot. Picture him saying, "At the end of the day what appears is that Mr. Libby's story...was not true. It was false. He was at the beginning of the chain of phone calls, the first official to disclose this information outside the government to a reporter. And then he lied about it afterwards, under oath and repeatedly." Who's your daddy?
1. SHOCK G
Don't think "Humpty Dance." Think "Freaks of the Industry." You know, the one who put the satin on your panties. Picture him saying:
Still bringin satin for them drawers/
Velvet for the mic and got a pound for the cause
I didn't do a ladies category. Any nominees from you lady-lovers? Keisha Cole?
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Are You Ready To Make a Difference?
Sorry, Clebketeers. I know you've been lonesome for me lately.
Well, I'm back with a very special post. I got an email today that really struck me. It's from an organization called Brian's Lights, which is addressing a problem most of us would prefer to ignore. Here is the email in its entirety:
The Problem
At 7:55 am Brian sat, hunched over his concoction of nonfat yogurt, granola, and sweetened condensed milk. He stared ahead at the 55 gallon marine aquarium in his living room. It was glorious. A labor of love, he basked in its gentle blue glow like a newborn plant on the first day of spring. But there was also a look of melancholy on his face, what some might refer to as a pallor. When his girlfriend/caretaker of 8 years inquired as to his downcast appearance, his reply was heartbreaking: "This is my only tank time of the day."
TT/WT Conflict
You see, Brian had an affliction that affects so many of us in the marine aquarium community: tank time/work time (TT/WT)conflict. Brian was already late for work, yet the swirling mini-sea of life inside his tank had only begun to rouse itself. He had no choice but to console himself with the few stolen minutes that he could grab before work. By the time he returned home, huffing and puffing on his bicycle at 6:00 pm, the lights would be off and the majestic fruit of his labors, the corals and fish and marine invertebrates that he worked so hard for, would be tucked in to bed, fast asleep for another long night. Oh, sure, the fuge lights were on a reverse timer and would come on at 11:00, but who wanted to party down there? That chaeto always seemed like it was coming on to him, and as for those slimeball pods...well, 'nuff said.
The Plain Facts
Consider this: over 90% of amateur marine aquarists have jobs. This statistic alone is staggering. Now consider this fact: many of us have to go to our jobs during what would normally be prime tank time. Because there is so much shame associated with this conflict, the problem often goes underreported. Nevertheless, TT/WT conflict is rampant throughout our community. That's why Brian decided to do something about it, not only for himself, but for all who suffer TT/WT conflict. A charity had to be started, and it had to have Brian's name in it.
Brian's Lights (tm)
For every $30 you contribute to Brian's Lights (tm), a moonlight setup will be installed in a deserving aquarium. With every $40, you can help replace a pair of sick and/or damaged actinic lights. For those in our "Seahorse" category ($80 or more), you can rest assured that Brian and others like him will have metal halides for years to come. But a special place will be reserved in all of our hearts for the "Light of My Life" givers, who donate the opportunity cost of a day's work ($160) to allow Brian and so many other sufferers the simple chance to stay home and stare at our tanks all day.
Not able to afford such a sizable donation? Wait, you can still contribute. For each $10 you give, ("Bubble Algae" class) you can defray the energy costs of running the lights for another hour, giving Brian (and others) precious moments with the tank after work.
From Problem to Solution
There is a way out. All across the country, and indeed the world, people are looking towards their tanks not in sadness, but in hope. I'm asking you to be a part of this change. Reach down, deep down, into your heart and your wallet, and pull out something big.
Brian's Lights (tm) is a nonprofit charity specializing in meeting and solving the lighting needs of today's modern aquarist.
Well, I'm back with a very special post. I got an email today that really struck me. It's from an organization called Brian's Lights, which is addressing a problem most of us would prefer to ignore. Here is the email in its entirety:
The Problem
At 7:55 am Brian sat, hunched over his concoction of nonfat yogurt, granola, and sweetened condensed milk. He stared ahead at the 55 gallon marine aquarium in his living room. It was glorious. A labor of love, he basked in its gentle blue glow like a newborn plant on the first day of spring. But there was also a look of melancholy on his face, what some might refer to as a pallor. When his girlfriend/caretaker of 8 years inquired as to his downcast appearance, his reply was heartbreaking: "This is my only tank time of the day."
TT/WT Conflict
You see, Brian had an affliction that affects so many of us in the marine aquarium community: tank time/work time (TT/WT)conflict. Brian was already late for work, yet the swirling mini-sea of life inside his tank had only begun to rouse itself. He had no choice but to console himself with the few stolen minutes that he could grab before work. By the time he returned home, huffing and puffing on his bicycle at 6:00 pm, the lights would be off and the majestic fruit of his labors, the corals and fish and marine invertebrates that he worked so hard for, would be tucked in to bed, fast asleep for another long night. Oh, sure, the fuge lights were on a reverse timer and would come on at 11:00, but who wanted to party down there? That chaeto always seemed like it was coming on to him, and as for those slimeball pods...well, 'nuff said.
The Plain Facts
Consider this: over 90% of amateur marine aquarists have jobs. This statistic alone is staggering. Now consider this fact: many of us have to go to our jobs during what would normally be prime tank time. Because there is so much shame associated with this conflict, the problem often goes underreported. Nevertheless, TT/WT conflict is rampant throughout our community. That's why Brian decided to do something about it, not only for himself, but for all who suffer TT/WT conflict. A charity had to be started, and it had to have Brian's name in it.
Brian's Lights (tm)
For every $30 you contribute to Brian's Lights (tm), a moonlight setup will be installed in a deserving aquarium. With every $40, you can help replace a pair of sick and/or damaged actinic lights. For those in our "Seahorse" category ($80 or more), you can rest assured that Brian and others like him will have metal halides for years to come. But a special place will be reserved in all of our hearts for the "Light of My Life" givers, who donate the opportunity cost of a day's work ($160) to allow Brian and so many other sufferers the simple chance to stay home and stare at our tanks all day.
Not able to afford such a sizable donation? Wait, you can still contribute. For each $10 you give, ("Bubble Algae" class) you can defray the energy costs of running the lights for another hour, giving Brian (and others) precious moments with the tank after work.
From Problem to Solution
There is a way out. All across the country, and indeed the world, people are looking towards their tanks not in sadness, but in hope. I'm asking you to be a part of this change. Reach down, deep down, into your heart and your wallet, and pull out something big.
Brian's Lights (tm) is a nonprofit charity specializing in meeting and solving the lighting needs of today's modern aquarist.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Who I'm Worshiping Now
I have on occasion been accused of Fickle Hero Worship. Of course that's hogwash. Anyway, here's a photo gallery of Who I'm Worshipping Now:
CAN YOU NAME ALL SIX???
I know. You're probably thinking, "Lady, don't you know any actual flesh people, as opposed to famous people so distant from your life they may as well be imaginary?"
To which I would reply, "Please don't ask me that, you're making me upset."
CAN YOU NAME ALL SIX???
I know. You're probably thinking, "Lady, don't you know any actual flesh people, as opposed to famous people so distant from your life they may as well be imaginary?"
To which I would reply, "Please don't ask me that, you're making me upset."
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