You've probably heard someone say Oy vay, or, if you're fortunate, Oy vay iz mir, which usually comes out as Oyvayzmir.
Vay is Yiddish for pain. Oy vay iz mir translates to Oh, pain is to me.
Which captures my feelings at present. When I chose my own adventure back here, I bet poorly, and lost. My disc is back out, pressuring my nerve. Or so I picture it. I don't really know what's happening back there, and it doesn't quite matter. (I also like to imagine a friendly giant holding me upside down, letting the pain slowly drain back from my ankle to my spine.)
Have I been to The Doctor? Yes, many doctors, many years ago. Now I can't afford health insurance, what with my pre-existing condition. But I don't wish I could go to The Doctor. Sure, it would be nice if I had someone with whom to consult, someone to help. But doctors had little to offer me, and so it is for many people with serious back problems. So, you stretch, you swim, you ergonomize; you develop your own system.
What happened? Nothing. And that's the stupidest part. All I did was have a part-time job, sit up five afternoons a week. And those few extra mornings.
Of course one doesn't want to be dreary, especially one like me who wants people to read her blog. And I am rather masterful at anticipation. So I can, sometimes, know how happy I'll be when it's better. When I am able to walk around Lake Merritt, when I get to hear "Superstar" in the club, when I can putter carelessly in the garden, it's gonna be sweet.
2 comments :
"Have you been to The Doctor?"
As if somehow you have ultimate control over this ailment that's so hard for people to understand because they can't see it. If only you'd try harder to get better, it would go away... Oy!
Thanks for speaking out for all of us who suffer these ailments that are naked to most people's eyes.
xo Buffy
I love you so much for this comment, Buffy! I know you struggle with the same shit.
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