Monday, May 31, 2010

Rebuffing Roosters in Austenese

It may be mating season, but the hens are instead ensconced in their book club. (Currently, Mansfield Park.) Following are their retorts to unworthy rooster suitors.

Ximena: A living of ten thousand a year and the finest carriages to your estate could not overcome a manner so uncivil. Besides which these attentions cannot have merit, your having so recently made my acquaintance as to be utterly ill-equipped to discern my character.

Betsy: Without wishing to insult you, I am nonetheless obliged to bring forth the unsuitability of the connexion, as I should never entertain the entreaties of a man of inferior birth.

Marianne: While in grateful receipt of the knowledge that your examination of my hindquarterly regions has yielded so favourable a result, I speak not from modest delicacy but rather with stern purpose in saying these attentions shall in no manner further the cause to which I can only but attribute your initial addresses toward myself.



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