(with apologies to Gwen McCrae)
How can I do the things I wanna do
When 90% of me
Is cable news
My heart no longer does what I want it to
Because 90% of me
Is cable news
I want to hear Gene Robinson's baritone
Without gettin weak in the knees
And look Gergen in the eyes
Without swooning like that chick Jessi
I wanna be the kind of viewer
Who knows how to use
My snazzy Comcast remote
To end these cable blues
How can I do the things I wanna do
When 90% of me
Is cable news
My heart no longer does what I want it to
Because 90% of me
Is cable news
Norah O'Donnell's perky
Campbell Brown is too
But Candy Crowley reassures me
Reporters can be uncute
Maddow she's infectious
But my best pundit's always Chris
I never thought it possible
That I could be controlled like this
How can I do the things I wanna do
When 90% of me, baby
Is cable news
My heart no longer does what I want it to
(You know why!)
Because 90% of me
Is cable news
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