Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Butch is the New Black

I had a few minutes before my ass needed to land at the reception desk chair and the sandwich I'd brought was mostly bread and cheese, so I went to buy a V8. (At the donut shop--this act of purity always fills me with pride.)

Two guys were set to cross 17th at Franklin alongside me (but don't worry, this won't be a harassment story). One was in a wheelchair. The light was on red hand, but the walking guy's feet were getting antsy and creeping streetward. The sitting one reprimanded: You can't jaywalk! Now that you're elected it would be like a scandal. I did a double take and realized that the walking guy wasn't a guy at all. It was the Town's new city councilwoman Rebecca Kaplan!

If Janet Napolitano comes in as Homeland Security Secretary, it will be an unprecedented national vindication of butchness, parallel to Kaplan's local victory. When Tina Fey declared in her famous "bitch is the new black" diatribe last spring that "bitches get stuff done," surely this is what she had in mind. Not that dithering, needy Hillary Clinton.

In a shining example of butches get stuff done, Napolitano rode her horse across the Arizona/Mexico border to better understand the immigration issue. Incidentally, I have a newfound affinity for horse people, a category that includes author Jane Smiley, my aunt in Texas and that other lovable Southwest guv and rumored Obama cabinetman Bill Richardson.

My affinity for lesbians I hope is assumed. (Not that Napolitano is gay or anything. She's just butchy and "single." You know, like Missy Elliot.) Because that's what we need in the pro-gay movement. It's easy enough for gals like me to buddy up to gay guys; we'll always have one big thing in common. And straight men do love them some lesbian. But we're only going to get to the land of equality and understanding if we learn to reach across the aisle. So get to know someone who enjoys the opposite body parts you do, today!

By the way, did you catch Tracy Morgan's delicious rejoinder on the heels of Fey's BITNB riff? After ample reassurances of I love you Tina you know you my girl, he said:

"Bitch may be the new black. But black is the new president, bitch."

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